We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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