My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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