i think my mom watched the whole time
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i think my cat just said my name.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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