It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
