you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
