if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
