How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
