every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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