I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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