You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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