Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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