just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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