New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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