i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
