you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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