I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
