Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My vagina is officially offended.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
