Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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