The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
