i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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