I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this just has baby written all over it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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