I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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