i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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