i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just crazy horny about you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
