I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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