she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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