Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
