I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
