he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He? As in you personified your dick?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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