Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
two words...techno handjob
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
