i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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