sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
please come you make the beer taste better
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
