1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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