Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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