Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
