He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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