And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
