but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
