Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
