i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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