I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
