Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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