I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
