puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
