Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
