she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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