He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
