That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
