Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
