Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
