dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
