So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
not ubering you a puppy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
