you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
