Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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