I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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