so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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