Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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