She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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