I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
