I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
