Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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