I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're a waste of cheezeits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
