Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
