My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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