Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
