it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There r osticjed everywhere
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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