just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize