i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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