His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
