If that was your dad, he is hot
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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