So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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